Please sleep
by prettylittlegeek
Summary: Spencer and Toby in married life with kids. Spencer works way too much but begins to get ill and Toby does all he can to try and make her stay home and rest.
1. Chapter 1

As the blue-eyed man walked through the house, 5 year old in his arms, he carefully placed the brunette in her bed but made sure not to wake her sleeping form. He tucked her in, folding the frozen duvet around her and gently kissed her forehead. Then, he continued to turn the lamp off and made his way to the door. Before closing it, however, whispered, "Goodnight Lexi."

After silently closing the door, he wondered to the door opposite to check in on his barely 1 year old son, Blake. To his delight, the baby was deep in dream world. As he exited and stood in the well-designed hallway, in between the two doors, he couldn't have felt more proud and happy if he tried.

Soon after, he caught sight of the double doors at the end of the hallway, smiling sadly at himself as he knew what they held. He approached them warily and eventually edged them open, stepping inside and leaving the door a crack open for Lexi in the morning. As he turned and looked at the back of his wife, who hadn't even noticed his presence, he couldn't help but go and massage her shoulders as she worked.

"Hey…what do you say you come to bed?" He tried to pry her away.

"Toby you know I would love to but this client wants this done in 2 days," she explained, not even looking at him.

"Spence, I love how you love your job so much but you need a rest."

"I can rest when I'm retired," Spencer reasoned, smirking.

"Spencer I'm serious," he knew she couldn't refuse his plead.

"Toby don't do that to me," she finally looked up at him.

"Spencer please just come to bed," he continued, ignoring her. Her only response was a sigh, although Toby couldn't help but notice the way she stopped working at his plead.

"Is Alexis asleep?" The brunette tried to change the subject.

"Yes, don't try change the subject," Toby smiled at her.

"What about Blake?" She continued.

"Him too, Spencer come to bed," he repeated.

"Fine, since you're obviously not giving in," she obliged, closing her laptop and standing to face her husband.

"Thank you," Toby whispered sincerely as he gently kissed her. As he pulled back he noticed something different about his brunette wife. "Sweetheart are you feeling okay?" He continued, lifting his hand to smooth her ghostly white face.

"Yeah, I feel fine. I'm just a little tired," Spencer whispered back, although he didn't buy it. Toby knew her well enough to identify any lie she attempted to tell him.

"Are you sure? You feel quite warm," he asked again, the back of his hand stroking her forehead to analyse her temperature.

"Toby I will be fine, I probably just need to sleep," Spencer did her best to convince him. Before he could reply she walked towards their on suite saying, "I'm going to go get ready for bed." The key word in her sentence was _will_ , that's how he knew she wasn't okay. Toby knew she couldn't stand to lie to him so saying that didn't really count, did it?

All he could do was stand and watch, knowing not to interfere with her and just try comfort his wife without making any obvious effort. She would know what he was doing if he was dumb enough to do that. So he sat in bed and waited for his beauty to join him, something he does most nights however never this early. He was ready for bed hours ago, as Lexi insisted on getting ready for bed together and being identical to her mother automatically meant he couldn't refuse her of anything.

Spencer eventually joined him, wearing one of his shirts and some grey joggers, which he thought was weird. She always complained she couldn't sleep with joggers on, even in the cold months, she said she got too hot. That's why Toby picked up on it so quickly, for early June this is one of the hottest months of the year so why was she wearing them?

As she climbed in next to him he decided to risk the question, "So what's up with these?" touching her thigh. When she only looked at him as a response he explained, "You never wear sweats to bed."

Silent for a moment, she finally whispered, "I'm cold." Toby knew then that something definitely wasn't right. He felt like he was in a sauna and he was only wearing his boxers, after removing his plaid bottoms.

"Come here," Toby opened his arms for her to crawl into, which she immediately accepted. As they lay there, in the near darkness with only a bedside lamp as a light source, Toby could tell that sleep would soon overcome her. After coming to the realization, he slowly moved both of their bodies down the bed into a laying position, Spencer's head placed on his chest and her slender legs wrapped around his. He kissed her hair as he turned off the light bedside him and then proceeded to rub her back in soothing circles, something Spencer loved, until he was sure she was asleep and then finally let himself drift off.

As the morning sun rose, Toby felt a light pull on his arm, the source obviously trying to gain his attention. As he opened his eyes, he was met with Alexis standing next to his side of the bed, awaiting their daily morning cuddle. It was one of his favourite times of the day as it was sometimes the only chance his daughter saw her mother. Although today, Toby knew would be different.

As she tried to climb up on the bed, Toby stopped her, "Baby can we just cuddle me and you today out on the sofa?" he asked her quietly.

"Why?" Her curious mind questioned almost immediately.

"Mommy isn't feeling too good so we should let her rest, is that okay?" He explained, and the 5 year old easily nodded and stood waiting for her father.

"Why don't you go get your blanket and I'll meet you on the sofa," Toby explained as he knew he had to try and untangle himself from the brunette next to him.

After she padded out the room, he carefully started removing himself from Spencer, mentally thanking God that she was such a deep sleeper. He felt her head, checking her temperature, from where he was stood next to their king sized bed. Toby couldn't help but worry at her temperature, the only thing that pleased him was the fact she was sleeping.

"What would you like for breakfast then Lex?" He asked as he walked into the room where his daughter was curled up on the sofa, watching Frozen again. He wondered if she'll ever get bored of it.

"Daddy what about our cuddle?" She questioned sadly, obviously believing it was not in his plans.

"Who says we can't do both at once?" Toby states, knowing she would be surprised by his suggestion. Both Spencer and Toby usually didn't let her eat anywhere but the table, wanting to teach her good manners from a young age. The only time that rule was broken was when they first bought Blake home and Spencer breastfed him on the sofa and got a glare from Alexis along with, "Mommy Blake has to eat at the dinner table." Obviously Spencer, and Toby for that matter, laughed at her statement but she wouldn't give in so they had to ultimately let her eat there too. The then 4 year old did have a point.

"Pancakes," Alexis announced, her little face lighting up at the thought.

"Pancakes it is then," he replied, not being able to stop a smirk from forming at his daughter.

As he cooked he couldn't help but think of Spencer. He knew she wouldn't want to take any time off work, especially in her busiest month, but she rarely got sick and when she did it was never just an average cold. Therefore he knew it would get worse and he didn't want her stressed but how did he get her to stay home? And Spencer knew it would get worse, he could tell that she knew. But that fact wouldn't stop her from working. The only time that she's taken off since being married to him was when the babies were born and that was only for 3 months.

"Here you go monkey," Toby handed her a plate full of pancakes with whipped cream and chocolate syrup, a rare treat.

"Thank you," she said as he opened his arms for her to lean into him with his own plate full on calories.

They sat there, watching frozen, as Toby caught sight of the clock. "Alright, time to go get ready for school," he told her, knowing she would be less than willing.

"Do I have to?" She asked after a long, overdramatic sigh.

"Yes, come on auntie Aria will be here soon," Toby reminded her.

Eventually she obeyed and got ready. It surprised both Spencer and Toby when she learned how to pick her own clothes, to Spencer's standard, and manage her own hair at the age of 3.

"Hey Aria, how you doing?" Toby asked the petite brunette as she walked into the house.

"I'm good, where's Spencer?" She thought out loud as they both knew Spencer usually dealt with Alexis in the morning.

"I don't know, she had a fever last night. But you know Spencer, she wouldn't admit it. So I let her sleep in and I'm going to try and convince her to stay home."

"Oh god, I pray for you Toby. I remember last time she had a cold," saying cold sarcastically, "she ended up in the hospital."

"Yeah I know, I'm about to call Melissa to ask her to take Blake."

"Toby I can take him-"she started but was cut off.

"No Aria, I can't ask you to do that. It's fine, honestly, I'm sure Melissa can do it."

"Okay, well if she can't then give me a call."

Soon enough, the house was empty except from him and Spencer. To his delight, she was still fast asleep so he sat on the sofa, trying to do some work.

Toby was still in the carpentry business, in fact he owned his own business. It made it so he could easily work from home and take care of Lexi and Blake. Whereas Spencer's interior design business, required her to be in the office and viewing people's homes almost all day.

"Toby," he heard her weak voice traveling down the stairs. Worried, he naturally ran to her location, halfway down the stairs. She looked weak and tired, obviously struggling.

"Spence you should go back to bed and rest," he encouraged lightly, helping her down the rest of the stairs.

"Toby, I'm fine," she profusely stated when at the bottom, making him let go from where he was holding on to her for support. He could only sigh and follow her, secretly awaiting to support her if she needed.

When she got to fridge his chance came as she grabbed on to the counter for support, obviously about to fall.

"Woah, okay." He quickly took her in his arms, holding her upright. "Spence, you alright?" Toby asked after a moment.

"Yeah, I just need to sit down," Spencer replied slowly. He took her words in and guided her to the couch where he sat down next to her, wrapping his arms around her perfectly.

"Where's Blake?" She questioned almost immediately, knowing he was usually awake hours ago.

"With Melissa. Don't worry about that right now okay? You need to rest Spencer."

"Toby I know but I can't, there's too much to do," she stated to him like it was obvious, rubbing her head.

"Then I will call your assistant and get her to assign your tasks to other people in the office because I'm not letting you work or leave the house until you're feeling better." She knew he meant business by his tone.

All she did was sigh.


	2. Chapter 2

Toby kept to his word, not letting her do anything but sit on the sofa with him, wrapped up in a blanket and cuddled into him. When Spencer eventually fell asleep his body filled with relief as he knew this was only the start of a long couple of days and she would need a lot of rest. Every time she got ill, and it was a rare occasion, it was always bad and although Toby was glad it wasn't often he hated seeing his usual highly independent wife like this.

But as he glanced at the clock, he realised that both Alexis and Blake would be back soon and he didn't want them to catch Spencer's sickness. Thinking fast, he carefully picked Spencer up and carried her to the bed, slipping her in perfectly. He just stood and smiled at her for a moment, she didn't even flinch the entire journey up the stairs and down the hall. He had to smile for that fact alone.

Glancing at her once more, he quickly went downstairs to where his phone resided on the coffee table, scrolling through his contacts.

"Hello, Melissa?" He spoke.

"She's not too bad right now but I was wondering if you could have Blake for tonight?"

"Thank you Melissa, I owe you," Toby took a deep breath as he hung up, awaiting Aria's arrival with Alexis.

As he waited he went to the kitchen to make some soup for Spencer, putting it on low so it would take a while.

Just as he finished Alexis came barging through the door, obviously hyper at the thought of Friday.

"Hey you," Toby came down to her level, letting her run into his arms.

"Daddy guess what?"

"What?"

"Auntie Aria gave my 3 lollipops," she announced excitedly, emphasising the 3 to her father.

"Oh did she," Toby couldn't help but smile as he eyed Aria about the new information.

"And she said I get to sleep over at hers tonight," she added.

"Oh did she," he repeated, giving Aria a nicer look. "Why don't you go get you bag then?" Toby continued.

"How's Spencer?" Aria asked as he lifted himself up to his usual height.

"Umm…honestly? I don't know, she could only make it half way down the stairs earlier but I managed to get her to relax and she's in bed now." He repeated the day's events.

"Okay well I'm happy to have Lexi as long as you need."

"Thank you Aria, I really appreciate it," he closed his eyes for a moment, taking a breath. "Could you check on the soup while I see to this monster?" Toby asked as they heard Alexis shout for her daddy.

"Right, you're all set," Toby announced as they zipped up her bag which was in the middle of the floor in her room.

"Can I see mommy before I go?" She whispered politely.

"Of course monkey, come on," Toby said, picking her up and heading towards the master bedroom.

As he opened the door he saw that Spencer was still asleep and hadn't moved from where he placed her on her side, facing the middle of the bed.

Alexis asked to be let down which Toby obeyed to but quietly said, "Be careful okay? We don't want to wake mommy up."

She nodded and headed towards the empty side of the bed, climbing on it. Toby watched on from the door, intrigued to what she would do or say. But what he wasn't expecting was for Lexi to delicately tuck a stray strand of hair away from her mother's face and then curl up next to her, pushing her head into Spencer's chest. He thought the gesture was beautiful however, worried when Spencer began to awaken. Toby still didn't move though. As Spencer realised who was curled up next to her, not having to open her eyes to know, she brought her arm around her daughter, placing her hand on Alexis's back and smoothing it up and down.

When he decide to move, a few minutes after this began, he made his way to the side Alexis had climbed on. "Come on monkey, let's leave mommy to rest," he tried to pry her away.

"Just a couple more minutes," she murmured into Spencer.

When he was about to speak, Spencer cut him off, "Toby it's fine, honestly," opening her eyes for the first time. All he did was return her smile and nod slowly at her before her eyelids shut once more.

He decided to wait downstairs, sensing that this was a moment made just for the two of them.

Spencer continued to rub her baby girls back for a couple more minutes until she could feel herself drifting off, knowing they had to say goodbye.

So she carefully leant back, being able to look at her daughter's face. As she told her that it was time to go her expression was sad but understanding and even Spencer didn't want her to go just from seeing that face. They bid goodbye and she watched on as her daughter glanced back at her before leaving.

Once Aria had whisked Alexis away, Toby delivered the soup to Spencer's bedside, waking her up despite her need for sleep. She reluctantly agreed but after eating a few spoonful's on her own, Toby sat beside her, he could tell she was struggling. She eventually let him feed her, managing to eat over half of the bowl which Toby took away and came back to see Spencer fast asleep again.

As the light went down and the darkness emerged, Spencer remained asleep peacefully. Toby was pleased with the fact and hoped her good behaviour would continue as he knew Spencer had a habit for not resting fully and going straight back into her independent, busy self. Even though she knew herself that she should just slowly get back into things, she never did. He sometimes feared Alexis would be the same. Sure he loved Spencer to the moon and back but that didn't change her flaws. She was so independent, had such a strict schedule for herself that she would do anything to keep, couldn't leave anything half done and was so unaware of how beautiful she was. But Toby supposed that wasn't her fault. It was her families. They had moulded her into an overworking person who avoided their problems, simply burying themselves in work. That's how her parents approached their problems, walking through life with a robotic sense of showing no emotion. But he also knew that Spencer was a hell of a lot different to them. No matter how much work she had or how long her to do list was, she'd be at Alexis's or Blake's side in a heartbeat. Any sign of a cough or a sneeze, she was there, comforting them with her arms tightly enclosing them from the world. And he would bet that if anything happened to him that she would be there in a heartbeat. Her heart was so big and he would never take that for granted, even if someone put a gun to his head.

As he began to get ready to join Spencer in bed, long after she had last awoken, she started to stir. Even though he had made sure to be as quiet as a mouse while wondering around the room, he couldn't help but blame himself for her awakening.

"Toby?" Her voice was groggy and only confirmed that she was awake.

"Hey," he carefully placed himself on her bedside, "sorry for waking you."

"No," she began to shake her head, "you didn't." She looked weak to Toby, weaker than before.

"How are you feeling?" He whispered, reaching to touch her face delicately. He noticed it was hotter.

"Not good."

"You do feel hotter," he stroked her forehead, feeling the heat on his hand, "try sleep it off."

She responded with a gentle nod.

With that Toby kissed her cheek and carried on getting ready for bed. As he started to make his way to the bed, Spencer sat up enough to lean on one elbow, saying, "Toby, I think I need a bucket."

"Alright," he responds quickly, running to get a bucket from the other room.

When he returns she's led on her side, facing the outside of the bed. As Toby places the bucket down by her side he strokes her arm delicately, returning to his side of the bed and wrapping his arm around Spencer, her back pressed against his chest.

The night proceeding was rough, rough was maybe an understatement. Spencer threw up multiple times, every time would last at least 5 minutes and she would be exhausted. But Toby guided her into his arms every time she was done, rubbing her back until her breathing returned to normal and eventually fell asleep. At one point, maybe after the 5th round, Spencer looked so weak and exhausted that Toby genuinely thought she would pass out. But she was a trooper and didn't complain, just simply curled up in his arms and waited for the world to spin a little less.

Toby respected her for that. Her way of perseverance and determination. It was a quality he wanted their kids to have and even wished himself, as well, could develop the trait. The last time Toby heard her complain was labour and that had been intense on both him and Spencer. With Alexis it lasted 13 hours and she swore at him so many times that he lost count. Her permanent frustration for not being able to dilate more than 7cm for 4 hours straight would be something he would never forget. With Blake, they thought it would be easier but lasted 17 hours instead. Spencer wouldn't get frustrated though, Toby remembered her getting emotional and quiet rather than angry. She would push through the contractions, gripping to Toby's hand, but afterwards would simply lie there, saying nothing. He always thought it was down to her not wanting to show her emotions.

Before that, the last time she complained was withdrawal. That was the worst he had ever seen her. He remembered her stomach cramps and shaking limbs all while she cried into him from the physical and emotional pain. That was worse for Toby, simply because she was in so much pain and it wasn't possible for him to make it disappear, he had to let it happen. Although her complaining started out as a constant remedy, it eventually dissipated but only because she was too tired to complain. And that's when Toby realised that he would prefer the complaining from the silence that filled the room. Those couple of weeks was the true test of their relationship because she couldn't tell him what she needed, he just had to know or assume. And Toby being Toby didn't and wasn't going to get it wrong so he did everything he knew she liked, whether that be rubbing her back or reading to her. She always responded positively, knowing he was trying his best. As the withdrawal calmed and Spencer returned to the real world after weeks, she began to get extremely clingy to him. He as well as her friends noticed it. Toby would have hoped her parents did too but he gave up on that kind of hope a while ago. He questioned her on it but she avoided the question, changing the subject or initiating a kiss. And Toby eventually let it slide and decided to let her determine when she wanted to give up the phase. Spencer finally, after weeks, began to let go a little, becoming less clingy to him and instead spent more time with her friends.

As Toby lied awake, his wife in his arms, he couldn't help but think how blessed he was to have her and their family that they had created. As one.

Thank you for the reviews, I'm glad you liked the first chapter. Please review, I need the inspiration and for anyone who does, I will read some of your stories and possibly leave reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

_Italics_ =Flashback

Startled awake, Toby lifted his body into a sitting position at the unknown threat he heard. Once he had adjusted to the light, he noticed Spencer across the room, fully dressed and prepared for the day. Naturally, he was immediately worried and shocked with disbelief that her adamant work side had won out over her health in her amazing, yet burden of a brain.

But, as he expected, when he insisted she stay home for another day Spencer claimed that, "I'm perfectly fine," and "I'm already a day behind schedule," making points that Toby knew he couldn't convince her to change. He would just have to let her go and see what happened. Even though he was used to this side of Spencer, that didn't make it any easier to deal with. The only information he accomplished in learning with the experience is the fact that Spencer had to realise herself that she needed something, when she decided something it was final.

So she went to work, even though it was Saturday, and left Toby at home, waiting for her to return sicker than before. The only thing that comforted him was that tomorrow was Sunday and Spencer, no matter how hard working, never worked on Sunday. It was one condition she wasn't willing to break.

Toby wasn't used to the alone time, usually either with the kids or Spencer. It was only confirmed when he called both Aria and Melissa who both admitted they had fun days planned and that he should take a break by himself.

So as he tried to conjure up ways in which to spend his time, he couldn't help but let his mind wonder to Spencer. What was she doing now? How was she doing? Toby quickly came to the realisation that standing here wasn't going to help anybody, especially him as he thought of his over achieving wife.

Eventually, his blue eyes found the shower and in that moment Toby couldn't help but smile at his wife's thought process. When they, or Spencer, was designing the house, she had insisted that they had a shower with a built in music system. Immediately, he had said that was ridiculous and unnecessary but she had convinced him over time to reconsider it. He was never one for loads of luxuries but Spencer came from a rich family and although she was very different in comparison to her family, he could see that she did enjoy the luxuries. And he enjoyed them too. But he wouldn't ever have them without someone else's asking.

As he stepped over the threshold, into the music ridden shower, all the bad thoughts that scrambled around his head aimlessly just disappeared, into oblivion almost. That's the only way he could describe it. Countless thoughts had clouded his brain over the past years, over the past decade and although they had never bothered him that much he still had to be grateful for the temporary escape. Again, the brunette managed to make an appearance in his mind as he wondered if Spencer had any moments like this when recovering from the dollhouse. Maybe it was why she wanted the shower, so she could experience a similar feeling of freedom. Despite him knowing that the dollhouse would never leave her brain, he was curious if Spencer still had to find ways to escape. Like in the beginning. Toby remembered the morning after she had been released from hell, in the hospital. He remembered her numbness, quietness and the god almighty staring. Staring that he didn't think would ever break. He remembered her 'episodes', as Mr Hastings had called them, when a memory returned that only sent her 6 feet under again, forcing her to relive whatever had happened. But Toby also remembered the smiles. The smiles that meant so much more in that period of time. It was a rare occurrence but Toby was content with whatever kind of solace he could offer, however temporary. He promised to never take her smiles for granted again.

Once he had forced himself out of the shower, found something to eat and sat on the couch for a while, watching some TV show, he heard the phone from where it was located in the kitchen.

Toby viewed the caller, relief and hope filling his body, "Hey Spence, how you feeling?"

"Toby, hi, it's Amanda," that relief was quickly replaced with fear. Why would Spencer's assistant be calling him?

"Hi Amanda, is Spencer okay?"

"Actually no, I think you should come down here."

"I'm on my way."

Toby was pretty sure he ran several red lights but as he pulled up to the building, rushing inside to his wife's office, he couldn't have cared less. First, he saw people gathered around Spencer's office door but as he got closer and quietly opened the door himself, shoving through the crowd, there was only 2 people present. Amanda, who was knelt in front of Spencer. Amanda was more of a friend so he trusted her with his wife's well-being.

As Amanda quickly realised that he was present she called him over silently with a head movement. But as he grew closer, he noticed the tears scattered down his wife's face and the fact she didn't seem to realise they were there, running down like a waterfall, as she stared off into the atmosphere.

He didn't touch her until he knew what was wrong even though he could see Amanda calmly rubbing her knee.

"She fainted," she explained quietly. Toby couldn't comprehend how his wife ended up like this over fainting, it didn't work in his brain.

"She came in looking pale and sick this morning and I had told her to go home. She refused," Amanda started to explain at his confused face. "Obviously her body couldn't take anymore and she fainted but when she came back she…I don't know, looked scared and haunted almost," she spoke slowly, unsure of her words. "She didn't let anyone touch her, only me, I don't know why."

Toby just nodded, he had witnessed similar things around his wife regarding her behaviour before. But that was 6 years ago. Just after the dollhouse. He knew the answer to Amanda's unasked question in a blink of an eye. Spencer trusted her. Toby remembered when he was the only one who could console her and bring her back to reality. In some ways he still was. It wasn't a surprise that she only grew more agitated with her parents there but her reaction to the girls…he was speechless when he witnessed it.

 _"Hey Spence, we…" Hanna abruptly stopped, seeing Spencer's state from where she lay on the hospital bed. She was speechless, Toby could tell as she edged closer, being extremely cautious. Hanna felt guilty, they all did, he was only aware because Emily had voiced this to him of which he simply replied that they all went through hell and Spencer was the unlucky one, it was nobody's fault._

 _But as Hanna had shifted half way across the room, Emily and Aria joined. They were all wary around Spencer, only having seen her once since being here but there giggly entrance must have startled the brunette as she burrowed deeper into Toby's chest._

 _"Spencer, it's us," Hanna, always the outgoing one, smoothed her hand down Spencer's shoulder, trying to contribute to the comforting as much as possible._

 _But as somebody new touched her, someone who wasn't him, Spencer freaked out. She started violently shaking, nothing like Toby had ever seen before. Her previous grip she had on him, her only way to stay semi-grounded, tripled in tightness, as her knuckles turned white. The wretched sobs that he hadn't heard since their reuniting several nights ago returned full force, also taking on a stronger force as they spilled out of Spencer's mouth. And all he could do was hold her until her mind decided to release her from whatever state it resided._

As Toby looked back on the memory for the split second it lasted, he saw how far Spencer had come in trusting herself, as well as others.

When he understood what had happened, he gently placed his hand on her shoulder, "Spencer? It's me, Toby. You're okay, okay?" He told her quietly, while gently wrapping her slim figure into his arms as he started to rock her calmly. Toby knew what helped her and what would send her deep into the dark pit of her mind. He had had a lot of practice.

After a few minutes of silence, Toby spoke, "Could you clear a way out please? We need as little confrontation as possible," Toby asked Amanda softly.

She only nodded before slipping out.

"Toby?" He heard, only just, from the person in his arms. It was as if she was questioning his existence.

"I'm here Spence, I got you," he comforted as he continued to rock her.

She didn't say another word after that. She didn't move as he lifted her off the floor, making his way towards the truck. And she didn't respond to anyone or any sound that surrounded.

As Toby pulled the tan truck into the garage and slowly turned the engine off, he turned to face her. It was sad how, as Spencer forced a breath out, he was relieved. Relieved that she did something.

All the way home, she didn't make a move, she couldn't and somehow he understood that. He wasn't sure how though. But as Toby thought about it, he didn't think he ever would. Even though she made no action to change position, the fact that she didn't let go of his hand didn't go unnoticed. But that breathe, that cautious effort, made him so proud and he honestly didn't think he had or ever would meet anyone stronger.

"Spencer?" He asked, not knowing if he would receive any answer.

"Are you ready to go inside?" Toby whispered as her head slowly turned to face him.

He received a small nod but Toby could see the amount of effort that was inputted from the brunette. It pained him to not hear her usual loud and powerful voice, even if he only heard it less than an hour before.

Always gentle around her in times like this, he opened the truck door and slowly shifted her out, knowing it would be more idealistic if he carried her. But as he walked through the house effortlessly, he noticed the heat that radiated off her skin and the tiny goose bumps that coated her pale arms to accompany the radical temperature.

So he set the woman on the bed in her paralyzed state while trying to change her into more suitable clothing in which he hoped she would relax.

He accomplished the task and proceeded to slowly lay her down with him on the bed, keeping her head attached to his chest in hopes his own, calm heartbeat could soothe Spencer's scrambling one.

As the day faded away and darkness appeared, her physical condition only worsened. And although she still hadn't spoken a word, Toby was grateful for her small, silent gestures that made him believe she was okay. Every time she threw up and was guided back into Toby's arms, Spencer would delicately kiss his bare chest to say she was okay, not great, but okay. Anytime she needed anything, Spencer would lightly squeeze his hand but Toby observed that she didn't demand much apart from water. There were no words spoken and to Toby it only proved the entirety of their relationship, no words were necessary to know what the other needed.

He was forced to ring both, current guardians of their children in the early evening to explain that they couldn't possibly come home and should be taken to their godparents or grandparents if they couldn't be cared for but, as he expected, they both complied.

He knew the morning would be harder, trying to get her probably raspy voice to cooperate. But Toby was surprisingly ready, ready to help the woman he loved, even though he already had been.

Thank you for the reviews, the same goes for anyone who takes time to produce good feedback in a review I will return the gesture and review some of yours.


	4. Chapter 4

To his delight, Spencer cooperated better than he expected. When he woke up, Toby looked down to see her looking right back at him with those big, brown eyes that he adored. They shared a moment of tranquillity, a moment that neither of them would change because it was so bliss. It gave Toby hope, hope that today would be that much better than the previous.

What he wasn't expecting was for her to break the silence, "Hello," Spencer whispered, her voice expectantly raspy.

The smile that graced his faced didn't communicate how much happiness he felt at her words.

"Hey," Toby replied, reflecting her voice volume. "How you feeling?"

A shrug of the shoulders is all he received. It was good enough as he tightened his arms around her and she snuggled in deeper.

After being led in each other's embrace for what seemed like days, Toby finally spoke, "What do you say we get some food and cuddle on the couch?" More of a question than a suggestion. He didn't want her to feel pressured in the slightest no matter how small of an activity.

A nod followed the slight hesitation.

As Toby received her answer, he slid them both to the side of the bed, so she occupied his lap. Before he stood, he kissed the crown of the brunettes head, lingering slightly longer than usual. Toby was glad that Spencer let him transfer her from the bed to the couch, knowing if this was a normal day she would protest profusely.

Once he had achieved the task, he got her breakfast, something Toby knew she would like. He always did judge her for her breakfast choices but for some reason he too found the same, healthy mind set, and decided to join her in having fruit with porridge. Toby also included a glass of orange juice, her favourite breakfast beverage, while he settled with apple.

As Spencer noticed his presence, tray in hand, she scooted over to let him sit next to her. As soon as Toby got comfortable and lifted the tray over to her, she looked at him with a smile that Toby could never forget. He found it funny, but nice, how the little things literally were the most meaningful. But what Toby wasn't anticipating was the contact she made next, contact so small yet he had missed immensely. Her delicate lips against his cheek. As she leaned back, it was Toby's turn to smile at her. Yes, he agreed with their friends, who referred to them as 'cringey' and 'cheesy' but that was just their way of showing affection.

When it reached midday and still neither of them had made any effort to move, happily watching TV with the other, Toby had decided to attempt to pry himself away to get some work done.

Eventually, he got up, carefully removing Spencer's half asleep figure from him and lowering her head down to the couch. She acknowledged his absence, he knew, but accepted the fact that he did have other things to do.

As Toby got to his office, a short walk down the hall, he noticed something that although seemed so obvious, he had never identified himself. The office that he had owned and worked in for years was plastered in family photos, milestones, and artwork. Obviously, he was aware, Toby was the one who hung and placed them there, but for some reason he viewed them differently now. Ultimately, the presence of his family, even through physical memories of them, calmed him and got him through the day. But as he took a second glance, still standing in the door way, he realised that none of the furniture in the room was made by his hands, his tools. But his company. Somehow that depressed him, and although Toby knew it was his idea to work from home, simply missing out on the 'fun' side of work, part of him couldn't help but regret it. He loved his family unconditionally and there was no way he was going back to work now however the fact that his office was the only room in the house that didn't have something made by him in slowly dispirited Toby.

So as he started walking across the room, he promised himself that he would build something for this room, for him. Not right now, he had too much to do right now, but eventually.

Hours ticked by and Toby was proud of the amount he accomplished, his usual working speed accelerating. It almost made up for the time he had off in recent days. When he went to type again, however, he heard Spencer mumbling his name from down the hall, accompanied by her bare feet lightly padding along the wood flooring. Curious why she had stood in the first place, he rose from his chair and made his way to the hallway, quicker than he would like to admit. But as Toby caught site of his wife his pace only increased. She clung to the wall, clearly fighting to stay standing and the mumbling of his name only confirmed to him that her silent state had not yet passed. Otherwise she would have called him from where she lay on the couch.

Toby went straight to her, taking her weight on himself as he wrapped his arms around the brunette and Spencer's head automatically found his chest.

"What are you doing up?" He whispered into her hair, predicting he wouldn't get an answer.

"I…I-" Spencer began to speak only to be cut off by coughing.

As the coughing continued, Toby decided to take action, "Alright, let's just move slowly to the couch okay," hoping if he sat Spencer down he could get her some water to calm her violent coughing.

It wasn't hard to reach the couch, it was getting water that was troublesome. No matter how much she coughed, Spencer would not let go of him, she clung to him like a lifeline, like he was all the water she would ever need and more.

But as the coughing grew in force, Toby also pulled away, not having to fight to escape Spencer's one weak hand that was holding him, the other committed to covering her mouth.

Naturally, he rushed in retrieving the water and returning to her, wanting to do anything to make it better. But as he returned and Spencer removed her hand to replace it with the cup, he slowly noticed the liquid burning through her hand that she appeared oblivious to.

"Spence…" He mustered up the courage to whisper as she removed the cup, delicately placing it in his waiting hand. But as her chocolate orbs slowly followed his gaze to her hand, Spencer realised what he was so concerned about.

Toby could see, as she stared at the piercing red liquid running off her pale skin, that she was terrified. And yet she couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from the sight.

"Spencer…maybe uh, maybe I should call the doctor," Toby whispered gently, softly placing his hand on her back and rubbing in soothing circles. He knew that she would be against the idea but he had to try.

"No…n-no," She shakily stated, shaking her head strongly. That's what Toby loved about her. No matter how far gone she was in the depths of her own mind she always stuck with her decision, no matter what it took. Sometimes, even if it went against him.

"Okay, how about I run you a bath?" He took a new approach.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Spencer turned her head, meeting his vibrant blue eyes with her wide chocolate ones. And after looking at him for a few moments, eternally attempting to calm herself, she began to lightly nod.

"Come on then," He whispered, standing up first.

"Slowly now," Toby instructed, as he assisted her up the stairs, not letting go for a second.

After Toby had run the bath for her, at the temperature she liked, he assisted in getting her in and then let her lay back, trying to relax her. Even placing a rolled up towel behind her neck. And as Toby could practically see the stress and fear retire from her body, he brought a bar of soap to her slender legs, massaging lightly.

In the hour proceeding, he managed to run the soap over her whole body, succeeding to give her some temporary solace.

Although it wasn't a big task for him, Spencer was obviously exhausted, lying back half asleep. Seeing her state, Toby decided to remove her before she fell asleep, hoping to get her situated on the bed where comfort was inevitable.

And that's what he did. She slipped away into a blissful sleep soon after. So being sure she was in fact asleep, he redirected himself back to his office, only this time having a different purpose.

"Hey daddy," He heard from where his phone sat next to him.

"Hey monkey," Toby replied, lifting his phone to get a better view.

"Is mommy okay?" She asked quietly but immediately.

"She's still not feeling very good but she's okay," he chose his words carefully, not wanting to worry the angel on the other side of the screen.

"Can I come home soon?"

"Soon monkey, I just don't want you to get sick," Toby explained simply.

"Okay," she accepted but Toby could see the disappointed look spread across her face.

"Are you having fun with Aunt Aria?"

"Yeah, we went to the zoo and I saw a monkey!"

"That's sound fun, but I don't need to go to the zoo to see a monkey," he said, smirking.

"Why am I called monkey?" Her curious mind let loose.

"Well, when you were very little…" He stopped as he heard something from above. "Hold on Lex, I'll call you back okay?"

"Okay, love you daddy."

"Love you."

Toby made his way back up the stairs, towards the sound that had been a constant haunt in his ears for the past couple of days.

As he saw his brunette in such a state, he quickly reached her, striding across the room and rubbing her back softly as she emptied her vacant stomach.

Although she became rather clingy after, Toby eventually got her settled and managed to withdraw himself to empty the bucket, trying to stop the smell from spreading across their room.

Deciding it was best to stay near to her, Toby texted Aria explaining he couldn't facetime Lexi back and returned to Spencer, lying down and letting her cuddle into him while he rubbed soothing circles on her back.

"Toby?" She said so quietly, it hardly counted as a whisper.

"Yeah babe."

"I love you," Spencer stated, it was the most he had heard from her all day.

"I love you too," Toby spoke slightly louder, kissing her forehead delicately.

They fell into silence, silence so long that Toby was almost certain that she had fell asleep although her stiff arm across his waist told him otherwise.

"Thank you," she whispered so quietly, he had to convince himself she had actually spoke.

"For what sweetheart?" He tried to match her volume but found it practically impossible.

"Everything," she replied like he knew what she was talking about. However, for the first time, he had no clue what she was thanking him for.

"Spencer I have no idea what you're referring to," Toby admitted conjuring up the smoothest voice he could.

She didn't reply, only hugged him tighter, her weak arm over his chest and clinging to him like a lifeline.

Toby was relieved when he noticed her weak arm go limp and her face relax, all while filling with a sense of peace so tender he didn't dare touch it. It was the first time he had seen her relax, really relax, in days. And even then, she hadn't been properly at peace for months, her busy work schedule preventing any sense of a break.

He had to convince himself to fall into sleep, not wanting to rip himself away from the rare sight in his arms.

When he woke, Spencer wasn't so peaceful, not in the least. It was still dark out, a storm brewing in the summer night air. But his attention was drawn towards the brunette with her head in the bucket, throwing up whatever was left in her stomach.

Naturally, he started to comfort her, eventually guiding her into his arms. But as he glanced at the bucket in the dark, the only light source being the lamp that was brought to life when he awoke, he noticed that the same red liquid burdened the bucket.

Hope you enjoyed this, please review for new chapters. If you take the time to give decent feedback I will return it on your stories.


	5. Chapter 5

**I would like to apologize for my lack of posting and I could sit here and explain all my lame excuses but I won't waste your time so here you go...**

Now, hours after Toby had the bucket in sight, he sat in the uncomfortable chair next to his wife's bed. Although, the chair was the least of his worries.

After he saw the contents he had immediately called their family doctor. Spencer knew Amelia personally so Toby knew she wouldn't mind visiting before the day had even began.

In the little time it took her to reach the house, Spencer mentioned that she now had some stomach pains. Obviously, Toby only worried more at her confession however comforted her as much as he could while the time dragged on.

It was still dark out when they made it to the hospital, after Amelia had insisted she take Spencer in, worrying that her symptoms implied something serious. Obviously, travelling there wasn't ideal, for Toby nor Spencer. In fact, Toby was sure it was included in his top three worst experiences. For the majority of the journey, Spencer's head was attached to his lap, her body spread across the back seat, as she clutched her stomach, the earlier pain intensifying. There was sweat dripping down her forehead as the brunettes body shook with violent shivers, despite the blanket and coat Toby had wrapped her in. And all he could do was rub soothing circles on her back and whisper delicate things in her ear, all control out of his hands.

Hours later, the doctors finally got her situated in a room where Spencer soon fell asleep, the pain drifting off as different drugs filled her weak body.

The waiting, for Toby, was the worst. He was the one that has to sit and watch over his wife, something he was usually all too happy to do, but now it was different. Now, he had to wait for the results of the tests while trying to make Spencer feel as comfortable as possible. He was responsible for that. And it scared the shit out of him.

Eventually, Spencer started to regain consciousness, Toby stroking her pale cheek patiently. As her chocolate orbs found his face, she smiled at him, took a breath then stopped. Like she was smiling for him.

"Hey," he welcomed her back, enjoying seeing her much more at peace, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," she whispered back, rolling onto her back. "Has the doctor told you anything yet?"

"No, not yet."

After his answer, she closed her eyes for a couple of seconds and then sat up, or at least tried. When Toby realised what she was trying to accomplish he assisted her, not willing to let her struggle to retain her goal.

"Toby can you-can you just move the pillow up please?" She stuttered out.

"Yeah sweetheart, just move forward a bit," he supported her back with one arm while using the other to adjust the pillow.

"There you go," he gently moved her body back.

"Thank you," Spence breathed.

Toby couldn't describe it, the way her body seemed tense but nervous in a way. The only word he could conjure up to describe it was shaky, something that usually came hand in hand with her anxiety and PTSD.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay, Spence?" He took hold of her hand, rubbing his thumb in slow circles.

"Yeah, my-uh-my anxiety's just playing up, that's all."

"Okay, you just tell me if it becomes too much," he still didn't remove his hand, "and just remember I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, you're safe." He made the cautious effort to reassure her of his presence that wouldn't end any time soon, knowing in times like these she did better when she knew he was there.

Her only reply was a small but grateful smile, something that Toby could tell was taking so much energy to do.

"Why don't you try sleep a little more?" He suggested. "It might help."

"No, I can't," she admitted slowly.

"Okay," Toby gently responded, he was nothing but calm and slow in his movements, taking her hand in his and kissing it delicately.

"Aria said she'd come by soon," he revealed, trying to distract her. When Spencer fell asleep hours before he had rang Aria and told her what had happened, asking her to tell the others that Spencer was now in hospital. After the different questions she had asked, the petite brunette said she would be in later that day to visit and possibly bring Alexis with her.

His attempt of distraction simply failed, only achieving a small nod from Spencer.

"Are you in any pain?" He tried to make conversation again, as well as trying to find out her current condition.

"A little but I'm okay."

"Okay, just let me know if there's anything you need."

"Okay," she replied distantly. Toby couldn't help but notice her blank and distant expression and quite frankly he didn't know whether it was from the anxiety, the waiting or whatever else was running rampant in her mind.

He was pulled from his observations as the door opened slightly, the doctor obviously wary but never the less eventually made it to the end of Spencer's bed.

"Spencer, how are you feeling?" She asked lightly.

"I'm okay," Spencer replied quietly.

"Good, well we're just waiting for a few test results to come back and then maybe we can understand what's happening." The doctor was sweet, Toby observed, but almost in a kind, gentle and maybe cautious way-she must have read her notes Toby realised.

"Would it be alright if I asked you a few questions?" Eye contact, she always kept eye contact with Spencer. Toby didn't even think she glanced at him once.

"What's your pain level now?" The blonde asked after she received a nod.

"Maybe a 3-4?" Spencer replied, more of a question, she didn't seem sure of herself.

"Alright, and before you came in this morning?"

"Nine," she replied straight away.

"Okay, well that's a positive change." The doctor concluded.

"Over the last couple of days, I understand you were unwell, what were your symptoms?" She spoke slowly, almost in a relaxing tone.

"Uh…umm," Spencer took a moment and then looked at Toby. It was all in her eyes, how even though she desperately wanted to speak, she couldn't find the words. And how she seemingly wasn't quite with the world but how god damn desperate she was to re-enter.

"It started with a fever, cold sweats and then she vomited…several times," Toby started, narrating for the voiceless, "then she went to work and fainted, I bought her home and that was then she became kind of distant, quiet. Shortly after that she coughed up some blood and then this morning she was throwing it up." He finished, hating that they had to do this in front of Spencer, hating how he had to talk about her like she wasn't even there.

"And the stomach pains?"

"Those started after I had called Amelia," Toby explained simply.

"Started fairly recently then…that's good Spencer," she said to Spencer, trying to reassure her.

Toby could see, as he looked at her, that she was trying her best to keep breathing calmly, keep any sense of normalcy she had left. But, even the doctor noticed that it was becoming harder for her to take in air, her breathing becoming shallower.

"Spence, I'm here don't worry," Toby tried, shuffling slightly closer to be a physical presence. At his movement, she immediately felt for his hand. When this used to happen a lot, they had made a code, something to help Toby support her. It had been created after Toby had said he didn't know how to help and felt he wasn't good enough, Spencer profusely stating that he was and was more than helping just by being there.

All he could do was try and calm her, simply rubbing slow circles on her thigh or arm. He never moved the one hand connected to hers, it was his only hope in finding out what she needed, waiting for a sign from her.

He registered two squeezes, he didn't think it was that bad.

"Spencer, are you sure?" He asked, obviously wary over her request.

He received a barely acknowledgeable nod, but it was a nod.

"Okay, okay, I'll have to go get the doctor though, okay? I'll be 2 minutes tops, I promise." And then he left to find her, wishing she hadn't left the room in the first place.

And Toby returned, doctor in tow, not even two minutes later.

"Spencer…Spence?" He went back to her bedside, hoping to get a response from her blank, scared expression.

"Hey," he touched her shaking hand gently, finally getting her attention towards him.

"Doctor Chapman has the pills, but we need to make sure you're sure," Toby explained.

She only looked at him, her chest becoming heavier with breaths she couldn't take as her hand tightened around his lightly.

"Okay," he motioned with his hand for the doctor to bring the necessities.

"Here you go sweetheart," he bought the water to her lips, too shaky to do it herself, after slipping the few pills in her mouth all while soothingly rubbing her back and gently helping her lie back down after she'd consumed them.

Half an hour later her body went limp, finally falling asleep after slowly calming down, Toby placing delicate kisses on her hand where the IV wasn't. He hated times like these, times where she fell so far she had no choice but to medicate herself. Spencer was the strongest woman he had and would ever meet and he trusted her to take the medication responsibly and know when she most needed it but he couldn't help but feel a sense of nervousness every time it past her lips. Considering she hadn't needed to take any for what Toby guessed was a year, however, always having them at hand anyway, he did worry. Like he always did.

"Knock knock," Aria whispered, opening the door a crack before coming in.

"Hey Aria," Toby welcomed her, but not moving from his seat, unwilling to leave Spencer's cold yet comforting hand.

"How's she doing?"

"Okay, her anxiety's bad and the doctors still don't know what's wrong but…she's being a trooper," he tried a smile.

"Yeah, she is…how bad?"

"The doctor gave her pills about an hour ago," Toby only looked at Spencer, knowing Aria would be upset. Not at Spencer herself, but just knowing that Spencer felt that bad, that low, that buried into herself. It upset all of the girls whether they admitted it or not. Toby guessed it was because Spencer got the worst of it out of all of them.

Aria stayed a while, more than a while as they sat in comfortable silence. Toby guessed that she was too scared to leave, however crazy that sounded, but he knew part of her wanted to be there when Spencer came out of whatever haze she was in. Usually, in times like these, she became very clingy to mainly Toby and if he wasn't or couldn't be there she'd have one of her friends and hoped Toby picked up his cell. A couple times her mother even comforted her, when Toby was off working and she just got out of the hospital and naturally, Veronica was the only one home with her, deciding to stay home from the office while Spencer recuperated from mental and physical scars.

"Toby?" His wife mumbled from beside him, gaining his attention.

"Hey…" Toby trailed off, squeezing her delicate hand lightly.

"Hi," her voice was exceptionally raspy but he didn't expect anything different. She looked uncomfortable, not physically, but with being there, with her own presence. Even though she looked rather comfortable, the blankets tucked around her and slightly led on her side towards Toby, her shoulders would fidget uneasily. All he did was slide his hand up her arm slowly, squeezing her shoulder when he reached it and repeating calmly.

Spencer, although weak, reached for his hand and tried to bring it closer to her, needing Toby as close as possible.

"I'm here, Spence," he moved as near as possible without actually being on the bed. And he didn't dare move any further away.

 **Again, thank you to whoever is still reading and if you're enjoying please comment and I might return the favour on one of your own.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Please review with any suggestions you have for what should happen next. Do you like comforting Toby and Veronica? Should I bring in anyone else? Please review to let me know and I will try to update as soon as possible. Thank you for reading.**

Toby soon found himself in the bed with her, her brown curls spread across his chest. She had calmed some but, like Aria, Toby and now Veronica, who had quietly joined the room, suspected, Spencer had only wanted Toby to cling to, not speaking a word. Like usual.

Spencer had actually grew rather close to her mom over the years and Toby could feel her physically relax whenever her mother entered the room, something both of them never thought would happen. It pleased him though, as he often used to go away at weeks at a time when they got out of the dollhouse and although Toby knew that the girls were always there, he was also aware that Spencer couldn't fully relax in anxious times with them. None of them could in their group though, it was something about putting their problems, their pain, on people who are experiencing the exact same pain and not wanting to add to it. That was what Spencer always claimed anyway.

As his hand continued to move up and down her arm, almost rhythmically, she lazily moved her head up to look at him but it still didn't leave his chest, connected by whatever means. He quickly learned to stay calm in situations with her, knowing his own slow heartbeat calmed her racing one.

Her chocolate brown orbs almost looked mesmerised by his blue ones, staring into them with everything she had. Toby only smiled at her. Spencer smiled back, surprising him.

"Spencer, we have some test results back for you." They were interrupted by Doctor Chapman's announcement.

Toby went to move out of the bed, into his previous seat, at the doctor's appearance but was stopped by Spencer, who had sat up some, her head now located at his shoulder and the bed almost in a complete up right position.

"We have put your tests together with your symptoms and have concluded that you have a stomach ulcer," she started, "they are easily fixed with a course of medication, but there are side effects to the medication, meaning you would need to stay here for the first 36 hours of taking it."

"Do you know the cause?" Spencer spoke, pulling herself up the bed to sit straighter. Always the curious one, Toby thought to himself.

"Since you're not on any serious NSAIDS, I'm going to put it down to stress," Chapman explained.

Spencer was obviously overwhelmed at this point, and put her head down, nodding to herself, so Toby stepped in, "So when can she go home?"

"Well," she glanced at her watch, "I will give you the first dose in about 5 hours as we need to wait for your anxiety medication to be completely out of your system. I guess about 36 hours after that, depending on how you're doing."

"Thank you, Doctor," Veronica chimed in.

An hour after the Doctor left, Veronica and Toby remained with the sleeping brunette, both of which were not surprised that Spencer had fell asleep on Toby before he had chance to leave her side.

"You should go get something to eat," Spencer murmured, half asleep. Toby knew she was talking to him, even though anyone else would have guessed she was sleep talking. He knew, if not from her change in breathing then from the way she loosened her grip on him, as if to say 'it's okay, you can go'.

"I'm fine," he replied, kissing her forehead lightly.

"Toby, seriously, you know I'll only worry if you don't take care of yourself," she said truthfully as she began to wake up. He knew she was right, he should go.

"Okay," he whispered, removing himself from the bed.

As Spencer adjusted herself, no longer having Toby's warmth, he put his shoes on before kissing her pale cheek. "I'll be back in an hour," he said, and then left.

She watched him leave. Like she always did. Her eyes just had to be on him, like a need familiar to oxygen. Spencer had to know that if that was the last time she saw him, she caught every detail, every element of him. It was something she had come accustomed to, after the dollhouse she wasn't sure when her last day would be, anxiety overcoming her every move, causing her to accumulate some unhealthy habits.

"How are you feeling, honey?" Veronica moved to sit on the side of her bed.

"Nauseous, but…I'm okay."

"Well, at least we know the medication worked," Veronica spoke, referring to the awful side affect her daughter always got from the meds.

"Yeah," Spencer replied shakily.

"Come here," Veronica motioned, pulling her daughter into her comforting arms.

Although Spencer had spent many sleepless nights in the same hold, this was different. It was a feeling that couldn't be formed into words but she was so comfortable with it she really couldn't over think the logistics.

Veronica's main priority was making sure Spencer was comforted, with Toby being gone, she knew the brunette would slowly withdraw herself, even if only for an hour. She didn't know what it was but she could tell that there was something off, something not quite right with Spencer.

Her thoughts were confirmed when Spencer started shaking, even more so than she already was. Before Veronica knew it, Spencer was sobbing in her arms but all she could do was rock her back in forth in hope she would calm down.

"It hurts," Spencer all but sobbed out, choking on her own tears now.

"I know…I know honey." It's all she could say, all that seemed appropriate.

"No mom, no you don't," Spencer murmured, pulling away from the embrace and bringing her hands up to her face.

And then there was silence, no words could fill the ugly void now present. Veronica didn't dare move, knowing Spencer had to initiate whatever happened next, she had to let her have control.

"It's just," Spencer started, "I feel…I feel like I'm drowning and I can't-I don't know anymore." She couldn't carry on, so instead just lunged herself into her mother's waiting arms.

Veronica was all too happy to accept her, wanting nothing more than to make her daughter feel even an ounce better.

"It hurts mom…everything hurts." Spencer all but sobbed out, turning into a complete mess against Veronica's shoulder. She knew her daughter wasn't referring to emotional pain alone, she wasn't sure what it was but somehow she knew.

"What hurts, honey?" Veronica could only hope for an answer.

"My stomach," the brunette breathed, starting to clutch at her said pain.

Veronica didn't think her next move through, just simply pressed the button and waited, no questions asked.

Then, just as she had suspected, the doctor came in.

"What's going on?" Doctor Chapman was frantic at seeing Spencer.

"Her stomach," Veronica explained.

"Spencer?" Chapman placed her hand on her back, attempting to get her attention. "Spencer, I'm going to need you to lie down for me, okay?"

She obeyed but it was obvious that she was in pain, cringing and fidgeting every few seconds.

After feeling her stomach, or at least trying at Spencer's squirming, and seeing Spencer's reactions, she announced, "I'm afraid you have internal bleeding Spencer."

"Great," Spencer breathed out sarcastically.

Once the nurse had inserted yet another IV into Spencer, one that would help the pain, Doctor Chapman declared that she would need surgery to fix the problem, as well as the course of medication.

After her confirmation Doctor Chapman led Veronica into the hallway, obviously making sure Spencer was okay before going. This led Spencer, who was easing herself back into the bed at her new found calmness, to finally be alone, for the first in she guessed was days. But she soon realised that she wanted anything but, the only thing she did want was Toby.

And just like that, as if he could sense her need, the sandy haired man appeared. Almost like a genie.

"I spoke with your mom, are you okay?" He spoke, concerned as he crossed the room to his previous seat to her right.

"Yeah, I missed you." Her frail hand, which had now gained the extra IV, reached out for his as he sat.

Toby lightly smiled to himself, "I missed you too."

"I saw Lexi," he continued lightly, not knowing where her head was at.

"How are they?"

"Lexi's staying with Aria and Blake's with Melissa. She said she would come see you but she's been a bit swamped with Blake and Lucy, she said she would come as soon as she got the chance though." Spencer's response was all but a nod although he could tell she appreciated the talk of normal life instead of hospital talk and IVs.

"Lexi said she loves you...she was actually working on something for you when I walked in." That made her smile, imagining her daughter singing to herself like she always had, crayon in hand.

"I miss them," Spencer whispered after a moment.

"I know sweetheart," he said sadly, "I could bring them in if you wanted."

"No, I don't want them to see me like this." She received a look from Toby that said otherwise.

Looking at her, there was no denying that the brunette looked like shit. Her skin was pale and her whole body looked thin and weak, curled in on itself like a pretzel. Obviously Toby wasn't going to tell her the reality of her appearance however he honestly thought that she looked beautiful. She always did. Always.

"I can't believe I'm back here…like this." She had a comedic sadness to her tone, something she didn't pursue very often.

"Spenc-"

"Toby, please…" her voiced raised. "Please don't deny it, don't deny that every time I'm in here I'm totally fucked up. I'm tired of it, I really am." The same sadness began to cloud her voice as it lowered in volume. "I just…I wanna have a normal life, is that so much to ask?" She finished, her tearful eyes looking into his with such desperation, such sadness that it killed Toby.

"Come here," he welcomed, knowing physical comfort was the only thing that would help in that moment. He knew, he really did, that what she had went through was far from easy, he was the one who went on the windey journey with her after all. The meaning behind her words went far deeper than anyone realised, capturing the deep depths of her mind. She wasn't just referring to their latest battle but everything, every single god damn thing that she faced day to day. The anxiety that constantly traps her within herself, the nightmares that still take her mind captive, the paranoia which causes Toby to still check the dark pits of their bedroom late at night just to ease her mind. And that was just a few. Although it was obvious some days were a hell of a lot easier than others, Toby still knew that they were there, haunting her like a shadow. He knew, he really did.

"I'm sorry," Spencer apologized, minutes later.

"Don't be Spencer, it's fine okay?" He received a light nod.


	7. Chapter 7

After a surprising restful night, Spencer sleeping peacefully on Toby's chest, she had the surgery, kissing Toby before letting go. Toby was aware that it was a minor surgery and she would be fine but he still couldn't help but worry. Spencer had told him to go eat and shower before she went, worrying about his well-being over her own like always. Obviously Toby had been eager to stay, awaiting her inevitable arrival. However, the nurse had ensured him that it would be a good 2 hours and he would be called if anything happened. So, convincing himself it was better if he left, knowing Spencer would know either way, he got in his truck and silently drove.

When he reached the house, a good 30 minute drive, Toby reached the shower within minutes, quickly washing and refreshing himself. He then made himself some grilled cheese before going to collect some of Spencer's things. Things she didn't expect but he knew would like. So he grabbed her duffle bag and pulled out some comfortable clothes for her along with her pillow and big blanket, something he knew she would appreciate as the paper sheets had agitated her skin previously. After he had collected everything he decided to stop by Aria's, dropping off Lexi's bear she hadn't taken before. Toby knew that she had only forgotten it because Brownie the bear was only used in times of comfort and it was obvious that the young girl was missing her mom now as a few days had passed. It made sense to him. He had been aware of his daughters discomfort as Aria had text him late last night when Spencer was asleep asking what she could do to calm her but Toby knew that either the bear or her mother were required to relax her fully. Hence why Brownie was needed.

Soon enough he was planted right back in her room, waiting for her return any minute. He wasn't sure if his wife would even be conscious but still couldn't stop the bubbly feeling he produced at the thought of seeing her. He was also appreciative of the fact that she would more than likely be in a lot of pain, as the doctor had so sternly said, as even though the surgery was minor, it hurt like a bitch. But Spencer said she could handle it and he had full confidence in her statement.

"So I said that he shouldn't be doing that but he didn't listen!" He heard his wife's enthusiastic voice as she was rolled back into the room. Just from hearing her slurred speech, he knew that they must have drugged her up.

"Toby!" Her eyes went wide and he couldn't help but smile at how excited she was, almost like a small child on Christmas.

"Hey you," Toby said, following her tone, "What have you been doing? I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Sorry Toby but I have a life and can't be at your beck and call all the time, that's not how I roll." It was almost as if she was drunk, she looked genuinely serious, he would give her that but it was the tone she had said it in that entertained him.

"Sorry Spence, I'll try and lay off from now on."

"You better or I'll get my bodyguard on you." She tried to look threatening.

"And who would that be?"

"Him." She grabbed the arm of the innocent man next to her, checking her machines. It was obvious he was new to the job and a little startled but played along anyway.

"Reporting for duty Mrs Cavanaugh." He was in a salute position now. Toby couldn't be more grateful that this man was complying with his wife's unusual behaviour.

"I told you," Spencer whispered, leaning slightly over to Toby and putting her hand up in an attempt to keep quiet. "So maybe next time you should be more careful," she continued, poking his hairline to exaggerate her 'you'.

Toby only expected her poke to last a second however before he knew it she had her hands deep in his sandy brown hair, an expression on her face that he couldn't describe for the life of him.

"Your hair is so soft!"

"Well thank you, I do try."

"I wish my hair was that soft…but I like mine. It's brown." Her pause only showed Toby how exhausted she was and he knew it wouldn't be long until sleep claimed her.

"Really? I like yours, it's nice and soft. It's nice to run my hands through it," he said lightly, trying to get her to sleep peacefully. At his words he reached up and started running his fingers through her dark locks, knowing that made her sleep.

He only got a little sigh before she closed her eyes, telling him that she agreed with the movement. Toby could only hope that she didn't wake up in too much pain as he heard her breathing even out.

But as Spencer had always said, hope breeds eternal misery and the brunette had, what she claimed was excruciating, pain on her stomach. So the playful nurse from before had upped her pain meds, as instructed by her doctor, who had made a visit, hearing of the commotion.

Toby had obviously tried to comfort her, help her in any way possible but his attempts did not match the affect that the meds had. As to be expected at times like these.

However, he knew that once the meds worked their way through her system, he would come in handy. Which he did.

She was situated on her side, facing Toby. It had took 15 minutes just to get her into a comfortable position, or as comfortable as she could be. He had planted one hand in her hair and the other on her lower arm, stroking it lightly. It's all he felt he could do.

Minutes passed without any movement from her, her eyes closed the entire time.

When her eyes became visible again, he could see the amount of hurt they contained. It was such a simple word. _Hurt_. But it was the only word he had.

"How you doing sweetheart?" He asked after a moment, leaning closer to her.

She let out a breath as a response, silently making him understand that she was not okay. Spencer never did like to verbalise the negativity that more often than not, consumed her.

"All I want right now is to hug you but I'm scared to move," she said after his reassuring hand squeeze.

"I know Spence, soon, don't worry. I will hug you until you physically get me removed, don't you worry about that." He knew just how much their physical contact helped her. Sometimes it was the only thing that brought her back from a panic attack or nightmare. It was the only way to ground her.

"What if I don't want you to go?" Spence whispered lightly. Toby knew her words had a deeper meaning.

"Then I'll never leave."

His reassuring words were the last thing she heard as she fell into sleep, the drugs taking her mind capture.

And once again Toby was left with his own thoughts as company, her comforting voice now silent. When she slept, when she was at peace, Toby could relax a little more. He let himself think, really think.

The first thing that entered his mind was when she had first started college and they had been apart for over a month. Saying it killed them both would be an understatement.

" _Come in," Spencer shouted, thinking it was Anna, here dorm neighbour._

 _"Sorry Anna, I haven't cle-" She cut herself off as her eyes actually made it to the person in her room. She just stood there speechless._

 _"A hello would be nice," he sarcastically said, barely in the room._

 _Soon enough her legs were moving faster than she ever remembered, flinging herself at him from across the room. He caught her gracefully, his waist being captured by her legs, which were wrapped around him and her arms, his neck. He squeezed her as close to him as physically possible in that moment, not taking it for granted._

 _Toby was aware that his girlfriend wouldn't be letting go anytime soon, embracing him with everything she had. But he had arrived late and it was Friday, the college party night which meant people were in the halls, preparing to go drown themselves in alcohol. Feeling eyes on him from the hallway, he moved them so he could close the door and slowly drift over to the bed._

 _As he went to put Spencer down on the bed, she didn't let go, forcing him down with her._

 _When she eventually decided to loosen her grip, it was to connect their lips. The kiss was desperate but full of love and a kind of slowness that neither had experienced. Yet they still couldn't get enough._

 _Soon, they were both naked, under the sheets, cuddled into one another._

 _"I missed you so much," Spencer eventually whispered, her head placed by his shoulder._

 _"I missed you too," he placed a gently kiss on her forehead, "so much."_

 _She only hugged him tighter, not capable of thinking that she would have to let go._

Toby remembered the moment like it was yesterday. He couldn't help but smile at the fact she insisted he stay with her for an extra 3 days, still unable to let go of him when he eventually left.

All their visits followed a similar route, not wanting to leave, let go, but having to. The one time he gave in was their pregnancy scare.

After Spencer had confirmed that it was in fact negative, she clung to him like both theirs lives depended on it. She was relieved, obviously, but somehow there was still a sense of sorrow, like she had lost something. It still hurt. Although Spencer wouldn't verbally say just how upset she was, Toby knew. He understood. So much so that he had stayed with her for over a week, most days just cuddled up in bed, watching mindless TV and fiddling with the others hands. Being a Hastings, she had woke up Monday, the day after the news, about to go to class when Toby had pulled her back into bed, insisting she stayed with him for at least that one day. They didn't leave the room for three.

Looking down at her, Toby just couldn't understand how one person could be so special. Truly special. A kind of special that just melted your heart, making it flow through your entire body. Overwhelming you. Almost to the point of insanity. It could either make you or break you. But what if you didn't have it? Would life be pointless? Toby didn't know.

"Excuse me, Mr Cavanaugh?" The nurse returned at the door, pulling Toby from his thoughts.

"Yes."

"There's two people here to see you, they're in the waiting room."

"Okay, I will be out soon, thank you." He knew exactly who it was, almost instinctively.

As much as he wanted to stay with Spencer, he needed to see them too. Willing himself up, he got halfway when a murmur came from his wife.

"Toby?" He eased back down at the voice. It was like she knew he made an attempt to leave.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?"

"Okay," she whispered, not completely awake. Toby knew that she would be back to sleep soon, the drugs obviously taking a toll on her.

"Good," he whispered back, planting a hand in her hair, slowly moving his fingers.

Within the next 15 minutes, he had her peacefully back to sleep and made his way to the awaiting pair.

"I was starting to wonder when I might see you two," he said, making his presence known by the two.


End file.
